人際交往十忌

提供有害意見

 　　你是否因不夠機(jī)智而傷害到別人？你可能是想提供幫助，但是你的打算卻可能已經(jīng)傷害到另一方。所以說話之前，你應(yīng)先設(shè)身處地為別人想一下，如果你自己也不喜歡這樣的意見，那么別人可能也無法接受。

 在別人想傾述時(shí)提供解決方法

 　　Giving solutions when the person is really looking for a listening ear. Probably an understatement: A lot of times what people want is a listening ear. Deep down, people have solutions to the problems they are facing – they are just looking for someone to share  their frustrations with because they have had a long and hard day. I had a friend who would always butt in with suggestions whenever I shared my frustrations. Our conversations became stifling – in the end I stopped talking about them altogether because I wasn’t getting the refuge I wanted. Be more conscious of what the other party is looking for, and adjust accordingly to fit that.

　　這種說法可能較保守：很多時(shí)候人們想找的是傾聽者，實(shí)際上，他們已經(jīng)有了解決問題的方法——他們只是想找人分擔(dān)自己的失意，因?yàn)樗麄兌冗^了漫長(zhǎng)而艱難的一天。我有一個(gè)這樣的朋友，每次我要與他聊聊自己的挫折，他總是要打岔，給出意見。我們的對(duì)話變得很沉悶，最后我干脆不再說下去，因?yàn)槲业貌坏较胍奈考?。因此要更清楚地意識(shí)到對(duì)方想要什么，做出相應(yīng)的調(diào)整，以適應(yīng)其需要。

 愛批評(píng)人；自認(rèn)高人一等

 　　Being judgmental; Thinking you are above others. No one likes to be judged or labeled. If you are constantly judging others for what they do/say, it might be good to reflect that upon yourself.  Putting someone off doesn’t make someone a better person; it just makes him/her appear insecure. Humility is a timeless virtue that’s appreciated by everyone.

　　沒人喜歡被批評(píng)或貼上標(biāo)簽。如果你常常對(duì)別人品頭論足，那可能剛好可以反映你自己的問題。令別人不快并不能讓他/她變得更好，只會(huì)使他/她失去信心。謙虛是大家永遠(yuǎn)都欣賞的美德。

 不接受他人批評(píng)

 　　Being defensive to criticism. How well do you respond to criticism? Do you become defensive and wall yourself up? Or do you graciously take it into stride and use the criticism constructively for growth? Learn to deal with critical people – it might be the most important skill you can ever acquire.

　　你是如何回應(yīng)別人的批評(píng)？ 你是不是變得有所防備并把自己封閉起來？還是泰然處之， 有建設(shè)性地接受這些意見，幫助自己成長(zhǎng)呢？學(xué)會(huì)與那些愛挑剔的人相處——這可能是你所學(xué)的最重要的本領(lǐng)。

 發(fā)號(hào)施令

 　　Telling people what to do. Most of us don’t like it when people try to boss us around. Learning to energize people and get them on board a common vision is more empowering than trying to order people around.

　　大多數(shù)人不喜歡想要發(fā)號(hào)施令的人。學(xué)會(huì)激勵(lì)他人并達(dá)成共識(shí)比下達(dá)命令來得有效。                        

 漠不關(guān)心，反應(yīng)冷淡

 　　Being aloof; Not being responsive. I have experienced situations where acquaintances do not respond to correspondences, possibly because they do not see them as important. Subsequently I form a very bad impression of them, and deprioritize their requests when they seek my help later on.

　　我遇見過熟人不回信的情形，可能是因?yàn)樗麄冇X得不重要吧。這使我對(duì)他們印象不佳，后來他們請(qǐng)我?guī)兔r(shí)，他們的要求會(huì)不自覺被排到后邊。

 自認(rèn)為“百事通”

 　　Thinking you know it all. The more I learn, the more I realize what I don’t know. There is a wealth of knowledge out there for us to learn. Thinking you know everything, rejecting new methods and vehemently insisting on your ways prevents you from connecting with others. Be open to trying new things.

　　學(xué)得越多，我越了解自己的無知，我們要學(xué)的東西太多了。自認(rèn)無事不知，拒絕新方法，堅(jiān)持自己的方式，會(huì)妨礙你與他人的聯(lián)系。要以一種開放的姿態(tài)去學(xué)習(xí)新的東西。

 抱怨連連

 　　Being a complainer. It’s okay to complain every once in a while, but doing it all too often puts off people. Complaining too much makes you an energy vortex – it becomes draining to be around you. People like to be around positive people, not energy vampires. If you are one, it’s not too late to change – start by focusing on positive things around you and work from there.

　　偶爾抱怨一下是可以的，但是太經(jīng)常了會(huì)使人反感。常常抱怨會(huì)使你成為一個(gè)能量漩渦——身邊的人會(huì)覺得很無力。人們都想跟積極樂觀的人在一起，而不是消極悲觀的“能量吸血鬼”。如果你是這樣的人，現(xiàn)在改還為時(shí)不晚——從關(guān)注身邊的積極事物開始努力吧。

 無法堅(jiān)持自己的決定

 　　Not following up on things you agreed on. One of my pet peeves is when people don’t follow up on things they agree on (be it appointments, favors, etc). I think it makes them unreliable and leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. These are the same people that I make a note not to work with in the future.

　　無法堅(jiān)持已決定的事情（無論是約定或是喜好等）是我不能忍受的事情。那樣讓我覺得他們不可靠，給我留下很糟的印象。這也是我記下的將來不想打交道的人。

 不擅傾聽

 　　Not listening. Are you present in your conversations with others? Or is your mind on something else? When conversing with someone, learn to not only listen, but listen actively. Seek out the underlying message behind what someone is saying.