What’s the dumbest thing you believed as a child?

你孩提時相信的最蠢的事是？
 

評論翻譯

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-------------譯者：棕櫚貓-審核者：janenet------------

applecinnamom 15.6k points·8 hours ago
That there was humans sitting in control rooms watching tons of traffic cams and turning red light to green lights and Visa versa

就是有人坐在控制室里通過交通攝像頭控制著成千上萬的紅綠燈，把紅燈換綠燈綠燈再換紅燈。

UncleBobtastic 14.0k points·8 hours ago
when I asked my mother 'what killed the dinosaurs' my mother who doesn't believe dinosaurs exist told me that Shrek did it and I believed her wholeheartedly.

我媽媽不相信恐龍存在過，我問她誰殺死了恐龍，她回答是怪物史萊克，我真的掏心掏肺地信她了。

suture224 11.9k points·4 hours ago
When I was a pre-schooler my mom told me that you weren't allowed to ride a motorcycle or get tattoos unless your mother was dead.

我讀幼兒園的時候，我媽媽告訴我除非你媽媽死了，否則不能騎摩托車或紋身。

One day outside the grocery store I saw a big tough looking dude covered in tats straddling the loudest motorcycle ever. Damned it 5 year old me didn't go up to him and ask "Hey. Is your mom dead?"
Dude looked at me and said "Yeah."
And I was shocked that my mom was right.

一天，在雜貨店外面，我看到一個外表強硬身材魁梧渾身紋身的大個子，騎個響聲巨大的機車。奶奶的當時5歲的我，上前問他（真希望我沒這么做就好了）“嘿，你媽媽死了嗎？”
那家伙看著我說，“是的。”
當時我整個人都震驚了，我媽說的竟然是真的。

_princesspeach3s 11.6k points·9 hours ago
My dad told me that I could have a pet chipmunk or squirrel if I caught one. He told me the key to catching one was to shake salt on their tail they would always stop to lick the salt off and then I'd be able to catch it.

我爸爸告訴我要想養(yǎng)花栗鼠或者松鼠，必須自己抓一只。他告訴我抓住它們的竅門是往它們的尾巴上撒鹽，這樣它們就會停下來舔鹽，我就能抓住它們了。

Not hard to figure out why he told us that because my brother and I would spend hours a day running around the yard with a bucket and a salt shaker.
I think the last time I tried was when I was like 9. I never really though about it again until I was like 15 and it was mind blowing to realize it was all just to keep us busy outside lol

其實爸爸這么做的原因不難理解，因為我哥哥和我每天花好幾個小時在院子里拎個桶拿罐鹽。我想我最后一次嘗試是在9歲。直到15歲我才放下這個想法，因為我突然意識到，我爸只是想騙我和我哥去外面玩（別來煩他），哈哈。

noob_almost 4.2k points·8 hours ago
You have learned a valuable life lesson and your father gave you the gift of peaceful weekends when you're a father yourself. I'd say it's a net gain

你學到了寶貴的人生一課，而且當你當?shù)臅r候，你也可以學你爸，讓自己有個安靜的周末。要我說這賺翻了。

-------------譯者：棕櫚貓-審核者：janenet------------

dancesforfun 11.5k points·7 hours ago
I was a real picky eater as a child. My parents in an attempt to get me to eat more told me that each grain of rice in my bowl takes a year to grow and so I should be more appreciative of my food.
Child me somehow took this to mean that every year only one single grain of rice can be grown so my bowl was always filled with hundreds of years of rice. Thought "heh cool!"

我小時候很挑食。我爸媽為了讓我多吃一些，告訴我說我碗里的每一粒米都需要一年的時間才能成熟，所以我應該更加珍惜我的食物。當時還是小孩的我理解成，每年只有一粒米能成熟，所以我碗里總是裝著好幾百年的米。我想，“嘿，真酷！”

FoureyedFairy72 2.2k points·5 hours ago
Similar but my mom told me every grain I didn’t finish would be a dollar I’d lose.

我也一樣，我媽告訴我說，我每浪費一粒米，我都會損失一美元。

octoriceball 2.2k points·4 hours ago
My mom said that each grain of rice would translate to one pimple on my future SO's face. Lonely teenaged me was like "wow I'm gonna get into a relationship?"

我媽媽告訴我，我每浪費一粒米，將來我的臉上就會長一個疙瘩（粉刺/青春痘）。青春期單身的我就想像著“哇，我是不是要談戀愛了？”

orcanio-star 543 points·4 hours ago
my mom told that the rice grains will turn into worms once they got washed away in the sink. because 4-7 year old me was terrified of worms i believed her

我媽告訴我，在水槽里被沖走的米粒都變成蟲子，因為4-7歲的我很怕蟲子，所以我相信了她。

Lily_Bennett 701 points·4 hours ago
I was told that if I didn't finish all my rice my future spouse would have horrible acne problems.
Also apparently girls who shake their leg (like bounce it up and down against the floor) will become sluts when they grow up.
*looks down at me shaking my leg*
well shit

他們告訴我說，如果我浪費糧食，我未來的配偶將會有痤瘡問題。還有女孩如果晃蕩腿（在地板上上下抖腿），將來會變成蕩婦。
*向下看我那晃蕩的腿。*
呃，我去。

AskAboutMyDumbSite 9.9k points·8 hours ago
That the TV Guide in the newspaper told the TV what was coming on. I just couldn't figure out out how to write cartoons in neatly enough to get it to work.

就是報紙上的電視指南（美國知名的電視類刊物）會告訴我們將要播出的節(jié)目。我就是弄不明白卡通要畫到多熟練才能讓它動起來。

considerthedog 9.3k points·8 hours ago
When I was a kid my teacher said humans were mammals. I wasn’t paying much attention and believed that she said humans were actually camels. So being the lover of fun facts that I am I told everyone I knew that humans were actually camels. No one ever corrected me. This went on for years until one day I heard that humans were mammals again and it all clicked.

我還是個小孩的時候，我老師告訴我人類是哺乳動物。我當時沒在認真聽課，以為她說人類其實是駱駝。于是身為這個有趣理論的熱情擁躉，我告訴所有我認識的人說人類其實是駱駝。沒有人糾正過我。這個錯誤延續(xù)好多年，直到我有天再次聽到“人類是哺乳動物”這句話之后才恍然大悟。

-------------譯者：棕櫚貓-審核者：janenet------------

retroverted_uterus 2.9k points·5 hours ago
My dad told me that marshmallow farms were real. Ever drive by hay fields during harvest - see those big plastic covered rolls of hay? That’s the marshmallow farm.
I grew up in a small farming community and believed it for years even getting in tearful arguments with kids at recess about (kids whose parents likely own the fucking farms).

我爸爸告訴我，世上真的有棉花糖農(nóng)場。在收獲的時節(jié)，有開車經(jīng)過干草田，看見過那些大的、被塑料覆蓋的干草了嗎？那就是棉花糖農(nóng)場。我在小農(nóng)場長大，好幾年我一直深信如此，甚至和小朋友在課間休息的時候（這些孩子的父母有可能有著該死的棉花糖農(nóng)場）還爭哭了。

My world was shattered when I was fifteen and discovered my dad lied to me and my siblings as kids because it was funny.
I hope to be that parent some day.

當我發(fā)現(xiàn)我爸爸跟我和我的兄弟姐妹們說的是謊言，僅僅因為覺得這很有趣時，15歲的我當時世界觀崩塌了。
我希望有天自己也能成為這樣的父母。

larg erectalcavity 8.6k points·8 hours ago
My parents told me my penis would fall off if I didn't wash it every day. I thought it was bullshit until I saw my mom naked. Then I got scared.

我父母告訴我說如果我不每天洗我的小雞雞，那么它就會掉下來。我覺得這是胡說，直到我看見我媽媽的裸體。然后我嚇壞了。

a7xrob87 8.0k points·8 hours ago
I thought you absolutely had to be 21 years old to drink alcohol or else if you did you would instantly die. Idk why I thought this.

我以前認為你必須得滿21歲才能喝酒，要不然就會立刻死亡。我不知道我怎么會這么想。

chewbaccabrn 6.7k points·9 hours ago
My dad made me believe that peanut butter came from squeezing squirrels. He also made me believe that white milk came from white cows chocolate milk came from brown cows and milkshakes came from shaking the cows.

我爸爸讓我深信，想要花生醬，你要擠松鼠才能得到。他還說純牛奶是從白色奶牛身上來的，巧克力牛奶是從棕色奶牛身上來的，而想要得到奶昔，那就得搖晃奶牛。然后我信了。

FudgySlippers 6.2k points·7 hours ago
I thought that if you chose to be President of the U.S. it was understood ( as in part of the job descxtion) that you would eventually be assassinated.
Which made me wonder why anyone would even choose that career to begin with.

我以為如果你要當美國總統(tǒng)（作為職業(yè)規(guī)劃的一部分），那你明白你最終是會被暗殺掉的。這令我疑惑，為什么會有人想當總統(tǒng)。

lued123 1.8k points·5 hours ago
The Secret Secret Service handles this.

秘密特工處負責處理這件事。

-------------譯者：棕櫚貓-審核者：janenet------------

lamsaturn 5.9k points·8 hours ago
When I was really young I wondered about what was so special about women's breasts that they had to cover them up all the time-- surely there was something secret about them that everyone was hiding from me. My parents wouldn't give me any straight answers. I have no idea why I came to this conclusion but I thought that maybe there was something dangerous enough about them that they had to be contained. My guess was that they had little mouths with razor sharp teeth.
When I figured out that they were just a bigger version of what I had I was very confused and disappointed.

我還是個小孩的時候，我不懂女人的乳房有什么特別之處，以至于她們不得不一直遮著它們——大家很明顯知道這其中的秘密卻不告訴我。我父母從不給我直面的回答。我不知道我為什么會得到這個結(jié)論，但我當時想那可能是因為女人的乳房可能存在著危險的地方所以需要隱藏。我猜可能是女人的乳房有張長有鋒利牙齒的小嘴。當我知道女性的乳房只不過比我的大一些的時候，我很疑惑，也很失望。

anonymous-man 3.1k points·4 hours ago·edited 2 hours ago
So one time when I was like 7 years old I accidentally went into the girl's bathroom and heard a girl peeing. I didn't see anything because she was behind a stall door but I immeditely could tell that the sound of her pee hitting the toilet water was different than when a boy pees.
To me when a boy peed it was a higher pitched sound because the stream of water coming out of a penis is very narrow. But the sound of her pee hitting the water was lower pitched and she was clearly peeing sitting down and so I could immediately tell that it was a thicker stream of water that was coming out of her. And I had heard that boys and girls were different "down there" but I didn't know how they are different.

那時我7歲，有一天我不小心走進女廁，聽到一個女孩在撒尿。我什么都沒看見，因為她在隔間的門后面，但我立刻分辨出她尿在馬桶水上的聲音和男孩的不一樣。我認為，男生尿尿時音調(diào)很高，因為從小雞雞出來的水流很窄。但是她尿尿的聲音低沉，很明顯她是坐著尿的，因此我分辨出她尿出的水流粗。而且我聽說男生女生“下面那里”不同，但我不知道哪里不同。

At this point I instinctively came up with a hypothesis that seemed reasonable at the time: boys have a penis that they pee out of and they poop out of their butts. So girls must be the opposite: they pee out of their butts and poop out of their penises in a thin stream like brown spaghetti.

那一刻，我本能做出一個假設(shè)，當時覺得很合理：男孩有小雞雞用來小便，大便從屁股后面出來。所以女生肯定是相反的：她們從后面尿尿，然后從她們的小雞雞里拉出像意大利面似的粑粑。

atillaauby 5.5k points·8 hours ago
I believed that if you stopped at the "stop ahead" sign you wouldn't have to stop at the stop sign because you stopped ahead of time.
It was eternally frustrating to me to watch my parents not take this incredibly obvious shortcut.

我以為如果你在“前方停車”標志之前就已經(jīng)停下，那么你就不用在停車點停車了，因為你已經(jīng)在前方停車了呀。看見我父母連這么簡單的道理都不明白，我當時好沮喪的。

riddleyouthis319 4.2k points·8 hours ago
I thought a necromancer was someone who was just very into necks.
Neck-romancer.

我以為“亡靈巫師（necromancer）”是對脖子情有獨鐘的人。
脖子-愛好者（Neck-romancer）。

SleptThroughDinner 3.6k points·7 hours ago
That there was a legal age (13) for caffeine like the way there is one for alcohol. When I was in high school I saw some small kid buy a coffee from McDonald's and remarked that it was illegal. My friends still make fun of me for it.

就是根據(jù)法律，13歲才能攝入咖啡因，就像酒精。上高中的時候，我看見一些小孩在麥當勞里買咖啡，我說這是違法的。我的朋友到現(xiàn)在還拿這事笑我。

Unstoppable_Mallow 645 points·3 hours ago
I've been to gas stations where they ID for energy drinks.

我去過一個加油站，那里你要買能量飲料還得出示ID才行。